It's a One Way Road
by Mayuzu
Summary: Rukawa learns how to love from Sakuragi, but his ego told him to pursue his dream and leaving brokenhearted Sakuragi. However, Sendoh is more than willing to cure Sakuragi's heartache. RuHana, SenHana, boys love, COMPLETED
1. You Don't Know Until It's Gone

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the boys

**Summary:** Rukawa learns how to love from Sakuragi, but his ego told him to pursue his dream and leaving brokenhearted Sakuragi. However, Sendoh is more than willing to cure Sakuragi's heartache. RuHana, SenHana, boys love

**Author's note: **This is the first shounen ai fan fic for me. It's inspired from all the beautiful Slam Dunk fan fic I've read here in . I just want to have my favorite character in Slam Dunk (Hanamichi and Sendoh) be happy and give little punishment to the fox. Please leave some reviews, thanx **-190910-**

Edited and grammatically corrected. Hope I didn't leave anymore mistakes here ^^; **-181010-**

**Chapter 1. You Don't Know Until It's Gone**

I never feel anything toward anyone. No guilt, no sympathy, nothing, none. Then why does my heart ache when I learn that Sakuragi has to be absent from basketball activity due to his back pain? Although it is only temporary, just until he has completed the therapy and had the statement good to play from the doctors. I've never been in good terms with Sakuragi, but strangely, Sakuragi is the only team mate whom I exchange words with. Mind you that the words are actually insults and mockery.

Japan youth basketball team practice is bleak. It's just too normal of a practice. I begin questioning my sanity when I feel the longing to see the loudmouth self proclaimed genius and his loud antics. I let out a loud sigh and proceed to the beach to distract my mind from a certain red head.

I thought my mind is playing tricks on me when I see a red head who is sitting on the beach alone. I stop my jog and exchange looks with Sakuragi. A minute has passed and in the need to break the awkwardness, I open my training jacket, showing off the Japan youth basketball team jersey I'm wearing.

"Damn it, you show off fox!" Sakuragi curses aloud without moving from his position.

"Do'ahou," I reply and resume my jog. I have my poker face on even though in my heart I feel relief.

That was how I found out that my training place is actually near Sakuragi's rehabilitation clinic. From time to time, I always make time to jog around the beach, hoping to catch him there. I started every two days, and then within week, it's every day. It seems that I can't stop the craving I have for him. We only exchange glares at first, but as time goes by, we start to nod in acknowledgement. On the 6th meeting, I sit beside the flabbergasted Sakuragi. Apparently he never expects me to sit down with him.

"What?" I raise my brow to him.

"No, no, nothing. It's just that… well… I never thought that you will sit with me on your own free will," he smiles shyly just like a kid. He is really naïve. That is what I hate about him yet what I envy him. In the end, I just want to protect that naiveté in him.

"Do you regret it?" I ask while directing my gaze to the sun set.

"Regret what?"

"The back pain."

"Ow, that. No, not at all. I live for the moment and that was THE moment. If I can get the moment, the hell with anything else," he smiles.

"What if you couldn't play anymore?"

"Huh? No way. I know I won't have such a horrible injury," he chuckles. "A genius will live on unscathed," he laughs his silly laugh.

"Do'ahou."

"The heck, you fox!" despite his loud protest, he remains in his seat. "Can't say how much I hate to be here while the others are practicing though," he adds solemnly.

"You'll join us soon." He just nods upon hearing me.

That was our first decent conversation. Ever since then, I always sit beside him and we talk about everything, even personal issues like family. Perhaps because Sakuragi is as clear as mirror in which all his emotions are reflected on his facial expression, I learn to be more open to him. I share things I have never confided in anyone to him. And frankly speaking, it feels good. My fondness towards this stupid red head is increasing by day. I really enjoy being there with him. His optimism, if not what they call over confidence, is refreshing. He seems radiant with all that smiles and laughs. I just know that I can't live without seeing that bright smile or hearing that cheerful laughs.

Today is the day that Sakuragi has been waiting for. The day he is allowed to return to the team, joining basketball practice and getting back to his old life.

"Sakuragi!"

"Sakuragi! You're back!"

"You're good to play, rite?"

"Woah, you're finally here!"

Shohoku's basketball club members surround Sakuragi when he enters the gym. They all seem so eager and happy to have him back. Well, it's not like I don't understand them since his mere presence already lights up the atmosphere in the gym. Some people who watch club's practice also stand up to get clearer view of him.

"Yeah, I'm good! Can't wait to start the game. Wew, two months were more than enough," he happily replies.

"Good to hear your spirit, Hanamichi. But since you've been absent for two months, I will have to have you do the basics all over again," Ayako pats Sakuragi in the back.

"Eww, a genius doesn't need refreshment but since you've asked it so very nicely, I'll do it especially for you," he laughs then proceeds to the corner to practice the basics.

It amazes me how Sakuragi can actually be patient and really does the basics. It seems that he needs to adapt once more to basketball at the beginning of the practice. But when the practice end, it is as clear as cloudless sky that Sakuragi has gotten back all the basics. However, he continues doing the basics for days as Ayako instructed. I think those days in rehab really made him wiser and more mature.

One night, on my way home from a convenience store, I take a different route without thinking. As  
I was walking, I heard the sound of a basketball being dribbled. Out of curiosity I walk to the source and the scene in front of me captivated me. There in the public court that is illuminated by dim light of street lamp, I see Sakuragi dribbles the ball and then jumps for a dunk. He wears sleeveless dark shirt and red pants. The sweats glisten on his face, his neck, and his body, make him seem more ethereal. His face shows determination, and his eyes stare straight unwavering. It's like he has set his goal and he will work hard to achieve it. That night, I know that I'm in love with him…

Tonight I do something that is really not me. I wait at the public court where I saw Sakuragi last night. After half an hour waiting, he finally shows up.

"Huh? Rukawa? What are you doing here?" Sakuragi asks dumbfounded.

"Don't you need an opponent for better improvement?" I said nonchalantly.

He stares at me for few seconds before appreciation flickers in his eyes. He smiles and starts warming up. We did one on one for two hours until we both gasp for air and decide that it's time for a break. Even though he was mercilessly beaten, he just laughs. From then on, this one on one has been our routine. I've lost count how long this has continued, but I know that I enjoy it as much, if not more, as him. It's like the bond we've shared during his rehab is being strengthened. We rarely throw insults to each other and if there is, it's more to show how we care about each other.

The closer we get, the more I want to monopoly him. He's such an easy going person so many others attracted to him even though perhaps it's not romance. But I just can't stand it. I want to show the world that he is mine. I glance to the body that lies beside me after our one on one session. His eyes are closed and he's still trying to catch his breath. He's so beautiful under the moonlight and I know that tonight, I couldn't suppress my hunger towards him.

"Hanamichi…" I say huskily while hovering on top of him.

"Nnn?" he peeks wondering why the sudden intimacy with first name basis. When his brown eyes meet my blue eyes, he blushes.

"Hanamichi…" Encouraged by the blush I become bolder. I comb his damp fringe, cup his cheeks and plant my lips on him. He is tensed but started to relax afterward. He kisses me back clumsily and I just want to devour him there and then! I ruffle his hair and nibble on his lower lips, asking for entrance. When he opens his lips, I thrust my tongue hungrily to the cavern of hotness that belongs to my sexy red head. I kiss him passionately, as if I want to eat him alive.

"Nnnhhh…" sexy moans come from his mouth. His hands encircle my neck and my hair, asking for more. So that is what I give him. I slip one arm inside his shirt, roaming his toned muscled abdomen, up to his torso and stop when I found his nipple. "Ahhnnnn…" he moans as I play with his nipple. My lips move lower to his chin, his jaw, and when I find his nape, I bite it, hoping to leave a hickey to mark him as mine.

"Annhhh!" he moans loudly when I bite him.

On the next club training in Shohoku, he has this band aid on his neck, right on the spot where I bit him last night. I smirk full of satisfaction because finally he is branded by me. Now there is extra activity after our night one on one and we just could care less about the court is public or anything since we are crazy about each other and the world can go to hell with it. I smile when I remember one time we were caught red handed by Sendoh. We were sharing passionate kiss when I noticed that there was someone. Hanamichi and I broke the kiss, Sendoh just smiled sheepishly and walked away, and then we resumed our love making.

I've spent two years in bliss with Hanamichi. We have a really active sexual life and our basketball team is also doing great. I am entrusted to be the captain during the senior year with Hanamichi as the vice captain and together we topped inter high. I feel like I'm on top of the world and I'm really satisfied until two weeks before graduation when Coach Anzai calls me.

"Do you still have the dream of playing in States, Rukawa-kun?" asks Coach Anzai.

I was taken aback by his question. It's been long forgotten during these two years and suddenly I am ashamed of myself. How can Rukawa Kaede be indulged in temporary lust and forgot his life time dream?

"I want to play there, Coach," I answer firmly. Anger begins to creep inside me. I'm angry at Hanamichi because he has managed to distract me from my dream, because he has spoilt me into this degenerate person.

"I have an offer for you from university in LA. They're giving basketball scholarship and having seen your performance in your games, they want to recruit you," he explains. "You have seven days to think about it before giving the answer," he adds.

"I don't need to think it over, Coach. I want it," I said firmly.

"Just take your time to think about it, Rukawa-kun. You will be leaving what you have here at the moment. Four years is not short, not to mention if you are serious, you will be able to join NBA and that will make it harder for you to come home here." He sips his green tea and adds, "I will be waiting here next week for your deep thought answer."

I excuse myself and walk to the locker room to gather my stuffs. America has always been my dream. I was born to be professional basketball player, and where else can it be but in America. I feel like smacking myself for forgetting my dream. I will not make another mistake. I will aim for my dream, the hell with anything else because Rukawa Kaede is a basketball player. I become calmer after that and I walk confidently to the locker room.

"What did Coach Anzai tell you, Kaede?" There he goes. The naïve Hanamichi is waiting patiently near my locker with his bright childish spirit.

"I'm going to America," I answer firmly.

"Wow! Congratulation, Kaede! Your dream comes true! Wow!" he jumps happily and hugs me. "I'm so happy for you," he whispers.

I know that he is earnestly happy for me and all, but I suddenly feel sick about him. I hate his carefree attitude that almost leads me ashtray. I begin to wonder what I saw in him that has made me so engrossed with him. Yeah, he has talent for basketball, and he's so caring to his loved ones, but is that it? Well, he's good in bed, he has stamina to satisfy me but doesn't it mean that he is just a tool to satisfy my libido? The more I think about it, the more I see him merely as my sex tool.

The days go by quickly. There is no change in Hanamichi and my relation. We still do one on one, we still make out passionately, but to me, it is more into carnal necessity and out of lust.

After one week I come to Coach Anzai and again I tell him that I want to go to America. He nods in understanding and told me that it would be better for me to go there as soon as possible so I could adapt to the surroundings before I start my varsity days. It is decided that I will head there after graduation day.

"I can't believe that it's your departing day already," Hanamichi says when we're in the airport. No one comes but him since I keep this departing day as a secret apart from Hanamichi.

"You can live your dream in America, and I even get accepted in a good university here," he smiles sheepishly. "Four years is a really long time. I'll be missing you badly and I'm no good with words so letters will be hard for me. Umm, but don't worry, I'll call you regularly, umm, make that at least once a week or anytime I have extra money for long distance call," he's fidgeting.

Four years? Does he think I'll be back after four years? It seems that he has wrongly assumed that I will only go there for college league so he never ask me how long I will stay there. That dou'ahou, I smile inside.

"Don't worry, Kaede, I will be waiting for you here. So pursue your dream with all your heart, and come home to me afterwards," he grins.

"Don't." I say coldly.

"Don't what?" he is puzzled.

"Don't wait for me."

"Huh? Why? What?" his raises his brow in question but then grins again. "Is that a challenge so I will pursue you to America? Haha, well, I'll just do that then," he laughs.

Stupid. He's so stupid. "No, Hanamichi."

"No?" That puzzled look is back on his face.

"This is the end of whatever there was between us. The whistle has been blown, it's the end of the game," I answer mercilessly.

"Wh-what?" his eyes are widen in shock.

"My life is to become professional basketball player and America is just the place for that. I don't need any distraction or anything. I don't need you." After I utter the last sentence, I am ready to receive a blow from him. Mind the truth, the way I say it was really hurtful, even I understand that. It's just that that is the way it is for me.

I wait and I wait for the blow that never comes. So I raise my face and look into his eyes. What I see send pang to my heart I almost regret saying those things. Here stand before me, the once proud and cheerful Sakuragi Hanamichi, with a slumped back and face contorted in pain, tears are threatened to fall down anytime, he chews his lips, biting back anything that he might want to say. He staggers backwards.

"Two years are enough to fool around. It's time for you to set up your life just like I do," I give the final blow.

"Fo-fool around?" he repeats in disbelief.

He shakes his head, he is trembling and I think that here it comes, his famous head butt or his iron fist. But none comes. He just bites his lower lips and I see blood is trickling from it. He can no longer repress his tears for they fall endlessly on his cheek.

"Well then, good luck. I-I hope you reach your dream," amidst the tears and pain in his face, he manages to smile a bitter smile. "Take care." And with that, he dashed out from me.

I want to chase him, hug him close and give soothing words but I know I want to pursue my dreams and he is not a part of it. I know I'm such a jerk for saying all that but I'm just being honest. Nothing good awaits prolonged lies, right? So I march my feet to the boarding gate toward my dream.

The first year in America has been really good. Contrary to what people think, I can blend to the surroundings perfectly. I have good grades in university and being acknowledged as good basketball player in the varsity basket club. I have people to hang out with although there is no one I find close enough to confide in. I feel that I'm one step towards my dream and I'm pleased.

On the second year while I'm cleaning my room and rummaging my old duffle back I brought from Japan so I can emptied it and toss the duffle bag away, I find a card in the front pocket.

_Four years is a long time but we'll survive coz our bonds transcends time and place and you know that I'm your home and I'll be waiting for your return – Love, Hanamichi._

I feel the air is knocked out of me. I strive to keep on breathing. The memory of the incident at the airport in Japan almost two years ago comes rushing into me. The teary eyes, the trembling body, the chewed lips, the sorrowful face, the bitter smile, the retreating figure… And I know that I've made a grave mistake, a mistake that can't be undone. I feel that my blood grows cold and I shiver.

The third year was horrible. I'm advancing in basketball, but my heart bleeds every night. I remember all the reasons why I love Hanamichi. Yeah, it is love all along, not lust as I stupidly proclaimed three years ago. How I long for his brash action yet tender and caring way when necessary. How I long for that childish grin and spirit. How I long for his kisses and moans, his husky voice when he calls me during our passionate sex. I'm a mess, literally.

The fourth year has been unbearable for me. I really want to fly to Japan, knelt down in front of Hanamichi asking his forgiveness and begging him to take me back. But I know my ego won't let me, so I direct all my sorrow to my play. I am the talked about basketball player in the State. I even secure my place in professional basketball club in States. I'm so close to my dream yet so far away from my love.

I receive wedding invitation from Akagi-sempai on the fifth year. I don't recognize the name of the bride to be but the venue is in Kanagawa, the home of my heart, the one I've trampled all over for my cheap ego. This is a gift from God. Now I have a reason to come back there, to see Hanamichi because I'm sure he will be there. I book a flight and I pack my bag. Hanamichi, I'm coming home.

I arrive at the weeding a little bit late on purpose. I don't want to be stared at or anything and I believe when all the crowds have gathered, I would come unnoticed. It's garden party on a spring of April, under blossoming cherry blossom trees. There are meal stands at the center of the garden and many scattered here and there. The bride and groom have come to mingle with the guests.

"Akagi-sempai, congratulation," I greet when I spot sempai and his wife while they are chatting with Kogure.

"Rukawa! You come! Thank you," his surprised look is replaced by happiness.

"Kogure-sempai, how are you?" I greet Kogure politely.

"Good and you look good yourself, I can see" he replies. "You were really awful, you know, left to America without telling us."

"I'm sorry, Sempai, things were complicated back then."

"Anyway, congratulation to you too. I've seen your games in television and I'm so proud of you. Great job, Rukawa." Akagi-sempai says.

"Thank you, Sempai. Anyway, have you seen the others?" I ask hesitantly.

"Yeah, they all here, Mitsui, Miyagi, Ayako, Hanamichi and Sendoh, Maki, Fujima, all of them," Kogure gestures to scattered area of the garden

"Hanamichi AND Sendoh?" I ask, scared of the implication how Kogure put those names together.

"Oh, hmm, well, you've gone to America when things happened so I suppose you don't know." Kogure glances to Akagi-sempai and the latter nods. "I know you were kind of close to Hanamichi on your senior days and I hope what I'm about to tell you will not change the way you look at them, ok?"

I nod.

"Hanamichi enrolled to my university which means the same university as Sendoh. And we all join basketball club there, right? I don't know when or how it starts, but it turned out that whenever there was Sendoh, there was Hanamichi and vice versa. If you want to find Sendoh, find Hanamichi, and vice versa. We thought it was, you know, friendship and all, but well, they openly flirt in public. Umm, correction, it's more like Hanamichi is harassed by Sendoh in public," Kogure chuckles.

"Isn't that just a joke? Tasteless jokes from Sendoh?" I ask wistfully.

"At first that was what we thought, but seeing how Hanamichi reacts to Sendoh advances, you'd know instantly that that is love. And Sendoh, well, it's more like showing off than harassing. He's so possessive despite his carefree attitude. He's spoiling Hanamichi too much" Kogure chuckles again.

"Speak of the devil," Akagi-sempai nods to someone behind me. "Hei, Hanamichi, Sendoh! Guess who's coming," he calls them.

I'm scared to turn around. Never in my life have I been this scared before. I froze in my place, the shiver runs to my spine and I wish that I can turn back time.

"Hey, who is it, Akagi?" I hear Sendoh asks cheerfully.

I turn to Sendoh and Hanamichi. Hanamichi turns pale and he's staggering back if not for Sendoh's arm around his shoulder. There are many emotions in his eyes, they even look teary. His lips are slightly parted and he seems want to say something but nothing escapes his lips.

"Oh, Rukawa," the cold tone from Sendoh snaps me back to the world.

The image I had of Sendoh is this stupid man who smiles 24 hours a day with his hideous spikey hair and carefree attitude without a care of the world. But what in front of me right now is a spikey haired man, with piercing cold eyes and gritting teeth. Plus he has his arm around Hanamichi's shoulder in which he moved to Hanamichi's waist!

"Sendoh…" I hiss in anger.

~to be continue~


	2. Can't Hurry Love

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the boys nor the title of this chapter **-280910-**

**Chapter 2. Can't Hurry Love**

Today is the first day of my second year in university. Last year was okay in the sense that our basketball club managed to be the champion on District Championship and got to the semi final in National Championship. I'm a carefree kind of guy. I have no specific ambition or dream in which I'm devoting my life to. Sure I love basketball but it's just because I'm happy to play it and winning a match is just a bonus for me. I also enjoy fishing despite how many fish I catch. I have no target and I don't expect anything. It used to be working fine but nowadays, I feel that there is something lacking in my life. Sigh…

"Yo, Sendoh!" Koshino calls me while I'm walking to my next class. "Have you heard the news?"

I flash my trademark smile. "What news?"

"That redhead is in this university!" There's a glint in his eyes. "We have the chance to top the national!" He answers eagerly.

My mind travels to a certain redhead, the one that has improved tremendously during the past year when I've graduated from high school. "Sakuragi?" I ask for confirmation and Koshino nods eagerly.

"I can't wait to get to the club practice today. I bet he'll make a grand introduction as he always does, haha," Koshino laughs.

Well, well, I can't wait for the practice myself. I've been watching all his games even since we had played different league. I can see his improvement. He has become a great basketball player and teaming with Rukawa has made them unstoppable. Thinking about Sakuragi and Rukawa has brought me back to a specific moment in the past. It was one night on my way back home from mini market when I accidentally met both of them on a public court. They weren't playing basketball at that time since I caught them kissing passionately. So passionate that I felt I have interrupted such an intimacy even though it was their fault for making out in public. I shrug. Their being an item came as a great surprise for me that time since as far as I knew, they were always on each other's throat. Guess I was wrong. I chuckle.

"Okay freshmen! Welcome to Kanagawa University basketball club! We are the best in the district and our goal is to be the best in the country. Be prepared to grit your teeth and bear all the harsh training because what we need in the club is people who are willing to give all for basketball." Captain Tsuruga opens the practice eagerly. "Now introduce yourself and your position," he adds to the freshmen.

I ignore the rest since my eyes scan all the freshmen hoping to find a certain redhead. Although I believe I will easily spot him if he is present, I still hope to find him inside the gym among the freshmen. I scan the room once again only to find that Sakuragi is nowhere to be found. I sigh in disappointment. I thought university life will be far more exciting with his little antics around. Oh well, tough luck.

Hnn? I raise my brow upon seeing Sakuragi on a secluded spot in University's park. I usually go here to take a nap but it seems he has beaten me. Sakuragi doesn't realize my presence. He sits on the bench and keeps his back slumped towards me. I take a closer look and it is obvious that he lacks that usual spirit he has. Hmm, I wonder what's wrong.

"Sakuragi?" I call out to him.

Startled, he turns his head towards me. "Sendoh! What are you doing here?"

"Was about to take a nap here," I flash my trademark smile.

"No, I meant here in this uni!" he approaches me.

"I'm studying here," I smile again.

"Eehhh? I didn't know! I thought you would be somewhere else. I meant, I heard the Old Man and the Substitute were recruited to a university in Tokyo. Or… or… perhaps you were scouted abroad in the States just like…," he lost the eagerness in his speech and slowly lolling his head down," … just like Kaede," he adds in whisper.

Well, well, it seems that Rukawa has left to the States and that is why Sakuragi is feeling down. I've never been in love but to me, distance will never cease your love. That is why I couldn't understand why people suffer a lot due to long distance relationship. Heck, if you love your lover, you will trust her through and through and you will also keep her faith in you by being loyal to your only love. What is so hard on that?

"I was expecting you on today's practice," I try to change the subject.

"You did?" he asks back while retreating to his bench.

"I did. And I bet all the team members did since they've heard about your enrollment here. Even Kogure was surprised not seeing you among the new comers. It'd be great to have the King of Rebounds here, you know," I sit next to him.

"I don't play basketball anymore," he says softly.

That sentence caught me off guard. "Eh? How come? Shohoku topped the Inter High last season, so what is it all about?"

"I don't play basketball anymore!" He stands up violently and even raises his voice angrily. He glares at me, daring me to poke more.

I'm a peaceful guy, so I don't play his way. I stand up calmly, pat his shoulder and say, "Okay if that's what you want, Sakuragi," I smile and walk away but I stop after two steps. "But you know what, Sakuragi? If you play basketball because you truly enjoy it instead of just because of Rukawa, you will regret your decision for eternity. No one, and I repeat, no one, should take away what you truly passionate about." I left him with that.

I often have difficulty sleeping at night. I'm not insomniac since I can fall asleep instantly while fishing, it's just that I feel it'd be bad to pass a beautiful night asleep. So I often take a night stroll with a basketball in my hand in case I find a nice court and I have the right mood. Tonight is just one of the nights. I walk randomly as my feet take me. I stop when I reach a decent public court, a little bit secluded by the trees and unseen from faraway since it is located just right after a turn.

I dribble the ball slowly but then I realize something. This is the court where I saw Sakuragi and Rukawa were kissing. I feel my cheeks become warmer and I chuckle. It's silly to be embarrassed by other people's public affection. I dismiss the thought and start dribbling again.

I don't know how long I've been in the court. All I know is that I've done lots of dribbling, lots of fade away shots, lots of alley ups, and lots of dunks. I stop to catch my breath. Panting slightly I turn to the spot where I left the canned lemon tea I've brought. I stop in the middle of my walk. There near my lemon tea, stands Sakuragi proudly, with his eyes full of passion. And I just know that this man loves basketball too much and he will never walk away from it just because of small lover's quarrel.

"Hey, there," I call while resuming my walk. "Can't sleep?"

He takes my lemon tea and tosses it to me. "Isn't it boring to play alone?" He asks.

"Yeah, it is. Do you want to indulge me?" I grin.

"Bring it on!"

We play one on one and I can see how much he has improved during the past year. The last match I had with him was during the final district match two years ago. We were fighting for number one spot. Kainan was actually beaten by Shohoku and Ryonan, leaving them only the 3rd spot. Sakuragi didn't guard me, he had his eyes on Fukuda while Rukawa had me. Nevertheless, I was still amazed by his tenacity on the game. He actually had my eyes the whole game.

"Damn, Sendoh, you stupid smiley porcupine!" He curses while panting after our one on one. "We topped the Inter High for crying out loud! How come it's 20 – 12 for you! Arrgghhh!"

"Because I have routine basketball practice, unlike someone who told me he didn't play basketball anymore," I tease. I can see he tenses so I add, "Perhaps if you join the team then you can find my weakness so you can beat me," I grin.

"Oh, I will beat you, Sendoh, just wait for you downfall!" He brags arrogantly. I only chuckle. It's nice to see him full of spirit just like his old self. I have this uneasiness in my heart every time I saw him down. Strange…

It's been a week since Sakuragi joined the team. Captain Tsuruga and everyone are pleased because Sakuragi will surely strengthen the team. Topping the national seems so much closer now. The first day Sakuragi joined the team was amusing. He didn't do a grand entrance or anything, but his flaming red hair spoke by itself. Captain Tsuruga was thrilled to have him, I can assure that. It's just that he showed the happiness in a form of 30 minutes lecture on how to devote yourself in basketball, how to be discipline in practice, how to respect your team mates, etc etc. I laughed when I saw the confused look in Sakuragi's eyes. And I laughed harder when I saw him nodding to whatever Captain said even though I was sure he didn't give a damn thing about it. By the time Captain Tsuruga pat his shoulder and say, "Welcome to the team, Sakuragi," he just nodded automatically. I had to drag him to the court to release him from his trance state. I chuckle remembering that day.

"What the heck are you laughing at? One on one, Sendoh!" A tall red head figure stands before me.

"Eh? Okay," I just grin.

Sakuragi is improving on daily basis. He now knows how to feint and how to read feints. His jumps are higher, his three shots are more accurate and his run is faster. His limitless stamina continues to surprise all the members. We have our one on one at that public court almost daily. We play until we are exhausted and while we lay down to rest, we chat about our private lives.

"I hate Kaede." Sakuragi suddenly blurts out while we are resting after our one on one.

"Why?" He never mention Rukawa's name until today.

"Because I love him."

"Then why do you hate him?"

"I love him yet he trampled all my feeling," he gazes to the sky. "I always know that America is his dream. I would never hold him if he wanted to pursue his dream. Heck, I would cheer him on actually." He smiles sadly. "All I want is to be his home. I want to be someone he would come home to after he got his dream. Someone he could share his dream with. Is that too much to ask?" He looks at me with his glassy eyes and bitter smile.

"Then be one. Long distance is nothing, you know. My aunt was having 5 years of long distance relationship and she ended up marrying him. It's as simple as that," I give him reassuring smile.

He smiles bitterly again. "Yeah, that was what I had in mind," he averts his eyes to the sky once again. "But what can I do when he said not to wait for him, that it was the end of the game we had, that he didn't need me, and that… that what we had, what I thought to be the most beautiful part of my life… was dismissed as fooling around." He cries without a sound. Just tears after tears streaming down his cheeks. He keeps on gazing to the sky while sobbing soundlessly.

I couldn't say anything. I thought the only problem between them is just the distance. It had never crossed my mind that Sakuragi was dumped. "You were dumped?" I ask with disbelief.

"Yup, dumped. God, how I hate the word," he shakes his head. I can't hold myself, I chuckle. "The heck?" He turns his head towards me, giving his death glare.

"No, no, I'm sorry. It's just that I couldn't believe Rukawa dumped you," I keep on chuckling. "Man, he didn't know what he's been missing," I laugh with that, leaving Sakuragi with incredulity in his eyes.

"You're unbelievable! I was pouring my heart to you and you laugh at me?" He sits back up.

"Don't be mad, Sakuragi," I grin. "What I mean is ever since I saw you two kissing oh-so-passionately," I roll my eyes teasingly, "I always thought that he didn't deserve you. You're too good for someone like him. He's too aloof while you're full of spirit. He's like the glacier, frozen for eternity while you're like the sun, warm and fuzzy. That is compliment in case you still don't understand," I grin again.

His eyes went wide and he opens his mouth trying to say something but nothing comes out. So he closes his mouth and again, he opens it without any result. I laugh watching his antics. "Oh, God, Sakuragi, you're really adorable."

"Gah! Just let me be!" He pouts and sulks and I laugh even harder.

"You're so fun to be with, Hanamichi," I say between my laugh. I feel that I have the right to call him by his first name since he has opened his heart to me.

"Stupid porcupine," he mumbles with red tinge on his cheeks.

Time flies so fast. We've topped the District Championship once again and we've managed to get into the final on National Championship. Not yet the champion, but one step closer. As the days go by, I feel like I'm the closest friend of Sakuragi since his guntai are scattered outside Kanagawa. And even though Kogure also enrolled here, it seems that Hanamichi feels more at ease with me instead of him. I enjoy his company so much and I think I understand him completely by now. I have this urge to cherish him, to keep that naivety and childishness in him. And today, I wake up thinking that perhaps I've fallen in love with Sakuragi. Love is an unfamiliar thing for me. I have never been in love but I'm pretty sure that what I feel about Sakuragi is love.

"I think I love you," I tell him in the middle of our one on one break.

"Wh-wh-what?" He chokes on his Pocari, his eyes went wide and his mouth gapes.

I chuckle. "I just want you to know. I'm not expecting anything. I just want you to know that I love you," I smile. Hey, I'm a carefree guy, I don't have any ambition and I live my life one step at a time. I love him and I want him to be happy. No matter what happen, I just love him.

"Bu-bu-but it.. We-we are fr-friend and-and.." He stutters so cutely.

I laugh. "Don't worry, Hanamichi. It will not affect our current friendship. Just think of it as a bonus," I wink.

After the confession, Hanamichi acts a bit awkward but I dismissed all his anxiety so we're back to normal friendship. It seems that he has brushed my confession and treated it like a forgotten dream but I don't care, as long as he is happy. At least now he invites me to his home on weekends. We watch video, order pizza and playing video games. He even once accompanied me fishing even though he was sleeping the whole time.

"Hey, Hanamichi, what movie will we be watching tonight?" I call out to him from his room while he is downstairs grabbing drinks and snacks.

"Choose anything you want from the rack above the VCR," he replies.

So I'm rummaging his rack to find any interesting title. Hnn? There are many tapes without any title but dates. It seems like Hanamichi taped them and keeps them. Wondering what kind of show he likes, I take one tape out with latest date as the title, which is a month ago, and play it. Apparently it is a basketball match of some university in USA. When my eyes caught a very familiar Japanese boy among the Americans, my heart stops a beat. I remove the tape and replace it with another and again, it is basketball match in which Rukawa took part.

"Did you find anything good?" Sakuragi enters the room with tray full of snacks and drinks.

I have checked 4 tapes and I come into conclusion, "You still love Rukawa, don't you?" I turn to him. I feel my blood run cold and I can't even grin nor flash my nonsense smile. And he just stands there, frozen with his eyes wide, just like a child caught red handed by his mom while doing something bad.

I grit my teeth and force a smile. "It's okay, Hanamichi, it's okay. Come sit here, let's find a good movie," I replace the tape with a movie and swoop away to give room for Hanamichi.

I still feel the cold and I shiver inside, but I laugh and smile emptily just to make Hanamichi comfortable. It was I who said that I didn't expect anything from him. So it is his right to keep on loving Rukawa. I smile while my heart bleeds…

Hanamichi still loves Rukawa. It's been two week yet that tiny piece of truth keeps on pestering me. I love him. I only want him to be happy, be it with me or anyone else. Yet I find it hurt to know that despite our closeness, he still loves Rukawa. Duh, of course, I've told him I love him, yet he never answers since I was the one who told him I only wanted him to know without expecting anything. I suddenly feel like bashing my head somewhere.

I don't feel good, my head is dizzy, my throat is sore, and today is the final for District Championship. Aaahhh, I want to skip the match. I wish I'm not the vice captain, I sigh. I drag my heavy body to the gym, I flash my trade mark smile to everyone I know, and I slump myself on the bench while sucking the sliced lemon prepared by our manager.

"Oi, Sendoh, what are you doing? Gather up for the last instruction, will you!" Captain Jin snapped me off my delirium.

"Aye, aye, Capt," I answer teasingly while approaching him and the rest of the team. I really feel awful, I mean my body that is. My head is light yet my legs are heavy and I can hardly understand what Captain tells us. Oh well, what will be will be, I shrug inside.

Despite the heaviness of my legs, I manage to get the jump ball and pass it to Koshino. The team is quickly charging for offense. Our opponent today is our everlasting rival. We always end up fighting for number one every single year. But this year is exceptional since they have talented freshmen. It's tied 42-42 during half time despite so many shoots I did. Captain Jin briefs us for new strategy during break, but I feel really lightheaded and I breathe heavily, I hardly hear what he says.

Second half time starts. We attack and we defend like there is no tomorrow. Even though the runner up will have the ticket to join National Championship, there is no way in hell Kanagawa University will lose the district champion title after successfully held the record twice in a row. Few minutes after the second half, I can't rely on my vision for everything is blurred to me. I move purely by instinct and by the sounds near me. I pant heavily, worst than the time I had during National Championship. But I keep on charging and attacking because this is the last chance for all the seniors and I know that they pretty much count on me. Only one minute left with the score 58-60 on our opponent's favor.

I finally manage to steal the ball and I dash madly to the hoop barely passing few defenders. I can hear the crowds counting 10… 9… 8… 7… I make a feint and step back behind the 3 point line, I jump, I aim the ball 4… 3… 2…

Swoosh! The ball is successfully passing through the net without even touching the rim. As I land from my jump I suddenly lose all the strength I have. My legs refuse to support me so there I go, collapsing on the floor.

"Akira!" I can hear Hanamichi's voice calling me and I sense someone is holding me tightly. But after that, it's darkness that I see.

I feel like I've been into deep slumber for few years. I yawn and open my eyes satisfactorily. I always appreciate good sleep and that was the best sleep I ever had. It's a little bit confusing when I learn that I'm staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. Moreover, once I look around me, I'm in an unfamiliar room!

"Akira…." Hanamichi's teary face greets me.

"Oh, hello there, Hanamichi. Where are we anyway?" I ask him.

"In the hospital, you stupid jerk dimwit porcupine," He answers angrily while sweeping the tears off his face. "What the heck is your problem?"

Err, I'm not really sure myself so I look around hoping to gather some clue. Then I see Captain Jin, Koshino, Kogure, and all the team members. "I don't think I understand myself," I flash my stupid smile.

"You were playing while you had 40 degree fever, you moron," Koshino answers.

"Oh, that explains the lightheadedness I felt," I grin.

After the curses like moron, idiot, dimwit shower me like crazy, they wish for my healthiness. I get long lecture from Koshino and Captain Jin about taking care of myself bla bla bla. Boy, they're worst than my mother. After a little chit chat, they excuse themselves except for Hanamichi. I grin at him. His tear streaked face looks really cute. Of course he returns my grin with a menacing glare.

"Don't you ever dare do that stupid stunt again, Sendoh Akira. Do you hear me?" He states in a low menacing voice while glowering on me.

"Okay, Mom, will never do that again," I smile.

"Seriously, Akira," his face becomes serious. "Never do that again. I thought my heart was stop beating when I saw you collapsing like that. It hurts my heart a lot. I can't stand thinking what if you weren't here with me anymore," he adds in whisper.

I smile and I hold his hand, gesturing him to come closer to me. "I will be right here beside you, Hanamichi. Don't worry," I give him my reassuring smile.

He only looks at me then tightens his grip on my palm. He brings my palm up to his cheeks, letting it linger there for a moment before kissing it gently. "I can't bear the thought of losing you, Akira," he shakes his head. "I love you." His brown eyes bore right into mine and I just gape is disbelief. Am I dreaming?

I spent my remaining university years in total bliss. I love Hanamichi more and more and I just want to spoil him. I love to see him laugh happily and that is why I always give him what he wants. I know he cares about me and that he loves me too. But I understand that to him, Rukawa is irreplaceable. He continues taping all Rukawa's matches although he does that in secret from me. I pretend to have blind eyes, I never questioning him about this matter because I hate to see his sad face. I love him and he loves me. That is all I need to know. Just like the song, you can't hurry love, you have to wait. And I know that time will make him love me more than he loves Rukawa. So I keep on showering him with love and occasionally tease him in public. I love seeing his reddened face when I suddenly grab his waist or plant a kiss on his cheeks.

I joined professional basketball team in Kanagawa after I graduated. I never think about going professional, but my friends and especially Hanamichi told me to pursue the carrier in that business. They said I owed my talent so the least I could do is make a living out of that. So I agreed. There is no harm in that anyway. A year later Hanamichi was scouted by several professional basketball team in Kanagawa as well. He chose the same team in which I play. To me, it is the proof of his love, his affection towards me and I think it's safe to think that he truly loves me and that he wants to be with me forever.

We live together in his house now since his father has passed away and his mother has moved to Tokyo with her new husband. I'm the type who accepts what life has for me without complaining or being happy excessively. Yet, this life I have with him makes me totally happy. I cherish every moment I spend with him and I'm sure our friends notice that for they approve our relationship without fussing.

"Akira, hurry up or we'll be late!" Hanamichi calls from the living room. "It's Gori's wedding and I don't want him whacking my head for being late!" He adds.

I laugh. "Hana-chan, he's the groom, he won't be violent in front of his parents in law." I walk to Hanamichi, feasting my eyes on his beautiful self. Those brown suits match the color of his eyes perfectly. I smile to him and I pull him closer. I claim his lips lovingly. "You're so beautiful, Hana. I love you." I stare right into his eyes, smiling lovingly. I swear to myself that I will do anything to make him happy.

He blushes and replies shyly, "You're handsome in that navy blue suits yourself." He holds my hand, leads me to the door. "Saa, let's go," he smiles.

The wedding is held in a garden under blossoming cherry blossom trees. It is truly a grand wedding. Akagi has been doing well in that finance firm and his wife also comes from a wealthy family so it suits them. There are meals stands at the center of the garden and many scattered here and there. Akagi looks really happy and he surprisingly looks good in the black tux. Meanwhile, the bride is so lovely in that white wedding dress. The flower that is crowning her head makes her shine even more. I'm truly amazed with the wedding.

"Gori! Congratulations for the wedding. My, my, are you sure you won't regret marrying this guy, Saikawa-san?" Hanamichi approaches the couple.

"Hanamichi, you…" Akagi suppresses his anger when he hears his wife says, "Oh, I won't, Hanamichi. I will regret it if I didn't marry him," Saikawa-san smiles lovingly at her husband.

"Congratulation, Akagi, Saikawa," I greet both of them.

"Thank you, Sendoh. We appreciate your coming. Please indulge yourself in the party."

Hanamichi loves to eat. That is one known unchanging fact of him. So I just follow him from one stand to the next. I pull his waist towards me and I kiss him playfully on his cheeks. He blushes but kisses me back. I laugh happily.

"Hei, Hanamichi, Sendoh! Guess who's coming," Akagi calls us when we are near him.

"Hey, who is it, Akagi?" I ask cheerfully, still drunk in the happiness and love with Hanamichi.

When someone turns to me and Hanamichi, I feel numb with anger. I sense Hanamichi staggers back and I hold him in place with my arm around his shoulder. I look at Hanamichi. He becomes pale and there are many emotions in his eyes, they even look teary. His lips are slightly parted and he seems want to say something but nothing escapes his lips.

"Oh, Rukawa," I say coldly to break the silence. What the heck is he doing here now? I grit my teeth and glare at him. I move my protective arm from Hanamichi's shoulder to his waist. I have never felt as insecure as I am now. I'm scared that Hanamichi will fly to Rukawa's arms and I know I can't do anything if that happens.

"Sendoh…" Rukawa hisses in anger.

~to be continue~


	3. I Want You to Know

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the boys

**Author's note: **Last chapter! Sorry for the long wait. I kinda have difficulty with the proper plot for the ending =p Hope this is not too sappy and hope that you enjoy this fic. Please leave some reviews, thanx **-141110-**

**Chapter 3. I Want You to Know**

"Hei, Hanamichi, Sendoh! Guess who's coming," Akagi calls Akira and me.

I gulp down the last sip of my drink and put the glass on the nearest table. Akira encircles his arm around my shoulder and drags me towards Akagi and his companions.

"Hey, who is it, Akagi?" Akira asks cheerfully.

The very familiar black haired guy turns to face Akira and me. I feel my heart stops beating and my blood grows cold. I can't believe my eyes! Stand right in front of me is Kaede, the one I used to love with all my heart yet dismiss all my feelings as fooling around. There are many things that I'd like to say to him but I don't know how nor what exactly is. I have never expected him to return to Japan much less here in an event where I would surely be attending. I don't realize that I was staggering back until I feel Akira's arm on my shoulder is steadying me.

"Oh, Rukawa," I hear Akira says.

"Sendoh…" That is what Kaede returns.

I want to run my fingers on Kaede's face just to make sure that this is not hallucination. That Kaede is really here at the moment, right in front of me. I almost move forward if not for the sudden pressure on my waist. I look down and I see Akira's arm is holding me possessively around my waist. I look up to his face and I think I see something's odd in his expression. I have spent five years with Akira, yet I have never seen him worn this expression. It somehow resembles… fear? It only lasts few seconds though.

"Hanamichi, go talk to Rukawa. I'm sure you both have so many things to catch." Akira drops his arm from my waist and even gently pushes me towards Kaede.

I move one step from the push but I pause and I look back to Akira. Again he has this odd expression on his face. But this time I've seen it before. The same expression as when he found out about the tape of Kaede's matches. It breaks my heart and I almost spin around to return to him.

"Go ahead and have a nice chat with him. I'll be around there with Koshino and the rest, okay?" Akira smiles and starts walking towards Koshino.

"Hanamichi…" Kaede calls my name.

"H-hey, there… Kaede," I walk towards him hesitantly.

"Let's find some quiet place to sit down and talk," he walks past other guests gesturing me to follow. We walk until we reach a secluded part of the garden. Kaede stops and sits on the grass. I imitate his action and sit beside him. "It's been five years," Kaede says softly.

"Yeah," I nod. "Hey, I've watched all your games there. You're getting even better. I mean, well, you always play above average, but you're improving even though you're already a great player to begin with," I ramble to break the silence.

"Hanamichi… you, you really watched all my games?" I nod. "I'm glad," Kaede suddenly hugs me. He put his face on my shoulder, whispers to my ear, "I hate myself for what I did five years ago. I always regret it. But I'm a coward so I never did anything until today… The pain of missing you and want to be with you is unbearable. Hanamichi… I love you, I always love you…"

I feel Kaede presses his lips to my neck. I don't know what to do. The proud Kaede actually says that he regrets his action? I put my arms around him, hugs him back in assurance. Kaede always holds a special place in my heart. I'm sure I loved him more than myself those days when we were together. And I know that I still care about him. Care enough to search for news about him, to have updates about him. But do I still love him? Suddenly Akira's face flashes through my mind.

"Hey, Kaede…" I call. He lifts his head and look at me. "I'm… I'm happy that you still think about me but I, I'm going out with Akira now."

"But you still have feelings for me, rite? You said that our bond transcends time and place and you were my home and you would wait for my return." Kaede grabs my shoulders and shakes me couple of times. "Were you lying when you wrote that card?" He looks at me expectantly.

"No! It was how I felt! You don't have any idea the hell I've been through after you left me. I loved you, Kaede! Loved you so much to the point of not caring about myself as long as you were happy! I let you go because that was what you wanted! You wanted to pursue your dream without heavy baggage such as me so I let you go! Even though my heart bled and I felt like my soul was sucked out of me, I accept that since I loved you and that was the only thing I could do to make you happy!" I pour all my thoughts and sorrow to him. All my emotions are surfacing and I feel tears falling down my cheeks.

"And now here I am! I'm here to patch things up, okay? I regret what I did. Every single year I thought how it'd be nice if we were still couple and you patiently waited for my return…" His voice trails off.

"I-I can't," I shake my head. "I have Akira now."

"You know you don't love him! You're only using him as substitute of me! You feel lonely and he was there so you seek affection from him. You have mistakenly thought it's love. Well, it's not love, Hanamichi, you're just looking for a replacement…" Kaede cups my chin and kisses me tenderly. Drawn in the familiar warmth I open my mouth and let our tongues meet.

I'm out of breath when the kiss ends. I feel weak on my knees so I slump to the ground. I look at Kaede hoping for some explanation. "Think about what I say, Hanamichi. I love you and you know that you still love me. Here, take this card. It's the hotel I'm staying at and my contact number. Call me when you've cleared your mind. I love you and I want to spend my life with you." Kaede gives his name card and pecks me gently. "I'm waiting for your call soon, Hana." He bids farewell.

I don't know what just happened. I still sit on the ground motionless. I remember the passionate kiss and it brings me back to years ago before Kaede left. I touch my moist lips. Do I still love Kaede?

"Hanamichi? There you are. Are you alright?" Akira approaches me with worried look, "Can you stand?" He helps me back on my feet. I look at Akira. _You're just looking for a replacement_. I can hear Kaede's voice echoes in my mind. "Let's go home, Hanamichi." I let Akira drags me home.

I loved Kaede. That I can be sure of. Do I still love Kaede? I tape all his matches. I read news about him. Is that love? On the other hand, Akira… I healed from my heartache because Akira stays by my side. Akira fulfills all my needs. He cares about me. He loves me. He always makes me happy. Is that love?

"Hanamichi, we're home," Akira wakes me up from my daydream.

He smiles but somehow it feels empty. It's a hollow smile and I know I don't like it. I don't want him to ever smile like that. I want his bright smile. The smile that is full of happiness and sincerity. Suddenly everything becomes clear to me.

"Akira, I love you," I hug him tightly.

"I love you too, Hanamichi," He hugs me back.

I walk inside the house with firm determination. The first thing I do is approaching the phone and press Kaede's number. I wait for several dial tones until a familiar voice answers, "Hello?"

"Kaede?"

"Hanamichi? I'm glad you call me this soon."

"Kaede, I just want to tell you that I loved you a lot and I still care about you. But it's not the same love as I had before. It's more like how I feel towards Yohei. The one I love is Akira. Let this be our proper closure so we both can move forward without hesitation, ok?"

"…"

"Kaede?"

"Liar."

"Kae-…" Kaede cuts the line before I finished saying his name. Sigh, this is really uncomfortable. How I wish he never came back. I shake my head.

"Hanamichi?" I turn to Sendoh. There's worry in his tone and blatantly displayed in his face. It seems that he has been watching me since I entered the home. It seems that he heard the phone call as well.

"Well, he didn't take it as well as I thought," I grin. "Akira…" I cup Akira's face and kiss him tenderly. I want to wash away that worried look. Hesitantly he returns my kiss. "More…" I whisper. He answers by thrusting his tongue to my mouth and kissing me hungrily. I return the kiss as passionate. I know I love Akira and I don't want to be apart from him.

"Hanamichi…." He whispers after our lips parted.

"Akira, I love you. I thank you for being there for me all this time. I love you. Please be with me forever…" I cling to him. Akira is not Kaede's replacement. I snuggle to Akira's nape. I close my eyes and inhaling his scent, the one I love.

"I will forever be with you, Hanamichi, forever…" Akira hugs me tight.

I feel more refreshed this morning. Even though the phone call to Rukawa last night bothers me a little bit, I'm happy because I know for sure that I love Akira. Humming, I continue making pancakes for our breakfast.

"Akira! Breakfast is ready!" I call out to my lover while setting the table.

_Knock knock._

I look at the clock. It's 9 am. Who might that be? I open the door while wondering. I froze on the spot when I meet Kaede's piercing eyes.

"Who's on the door, Hanamichi?" Akira's cheerful voice asks as he comes to the table.

"It's me, Sendoh." It is Kaede who answers Akira's question. "Aren't you letting me in, Hanamichi?"

"Oh, ah, yeah, of course. Please come in," I open the door to let Kaede in even though I'm still confused. I exchange looks with Akira. I can see Akira narrows his eyes and eyeing Kaede suspiciously.

"Care to join us for breakfast, Kaede? MY LOVER made these pancakes for me. But I don't mind sharing it with you." I'm surprised to hear Akira's invitation and the way he emphasized the word my lover.

I glance to Kaede. He glowers and his eyes even narrowing into thin slits. "You're just a replacement." Kaede says curtly to Akira.

"Kaede!" I exclaim. "I've told you that I love Akira. He's not a replacement."

"Then why did you return my kiss yesterday? You even sucked my tongue." Kaede retorts. "I know you're good natured, Hana. And I know you don't have the heart to dump Sendoh since he was there all along when I'm away. So here I am, throwing the truth at him so he knows his place and backs away from us."

I gape. Then my brain starts to process his words and I shake my head. "Wha-"

"You returned his kiss?" Akira cuts me before I completed my sentence. I look at Akira. There's shock and a tint of hurt in his eyes but only for a split second. So fast that perhaps it's just my imagination.

"I-"

"Yeah, he did. We kissed passionately just like before," Kaede says before I say anything.

Akira stares at me. "It's your call, Hanamichi. If you want to get back to him, I'll gladly return you to him," he says solemnly.

It's my turn to stare at Akira disbelievingly. Did I hear right? "Glad-gladly return me?" I repeat his words slowly. What does he mean? Doesn't he want to be with me? Doesn't he love me? "Just like that?" I whisper.

"Just like that." Akira nods.

This time rage is blinding me. I stomp to Akira and I swing my fist to his jaw, hard, sending him flying few feet backwards. He lands hard on the floor. I breathe hard and I stare at him. Akira stares me back in confusion while nursing his bruising jaw.

"Sendoh Akira," I hiss in anger. "If that's my worth to you. If these past years were nothing to you. If the promise you said last night was just mere words," I'm enraged. "GET OUT! GET THE HELL OUT NOW!" I yell.

Then I turn my eyes to Kaede. "Rukawa Kaede," I glare at him. "You were the one who walked out on me. You were the one who throws away my feeling. And now when I'm settled and happy…," I feel tears forming on the corner of my eyes. "How many times will you hurt me until you're satisfied?" I plead.

Tears are falling down my cheeks. I storm off the door. I run to nowhere in particular. I just don't want to be there. Hurt, anger, disappointment, sorrow, all the negatives feelings pour down in me. I can't believe that Akira can let me go that easily. Doesn't he love me? Am I not worth it to be fought for? Damn him! And Kaede… If he really loves me, he supposed to come back years ago. Five years! God, five long years before he finally returns. What was he thinking?

I stop to catch by breath. Quick glance to surroundings I recognize the place I'm at. It's the public court where I usually have one on one with Kaede and then with Akira. I sit at the bench on the side of the court. I need to clear my head. I love Akira and that's final. But I care about Kaede. Not love, I care and that's also final. If it were up to me, I'd like to keep on being Akira's lover and becoming Kaede's friends. But with Akira's lack of… umm, lack of affection? No, he cares and tends to my need. Lack of will to keep me by his side. Yeah, that's it. Am I that replaceable? As for Kaede, what should I do to make him understand that he's special for me but not in term of lover?

"ARGGGHHHH!" I head butt the ground. I'm never good with deep thought on the first place, so why bother? I return to my seat. I look up to the sky, the blue bright sky. Sigh…

"Hanamichi!" I slowly turn on the direction of the voice.

Akira and Kaede jog toward me. Their clothes are disheveled and even Akira's hair not standing as proudly as it always is. When they get closer, I can see bruises on their faces. Hmm, I'm sure I only punched Akira's jaw once. And I'm sure that I didn't hit Kaede at all. Hmm, strange.

"I love you! I don't want to let you go!" Akira suddenly grabs my wrist and pulls me off my seat into his broad chest. He engulfs me in his embrace.

"Eh? Eh? Wha-" Too surprised to act, I just let him hugs me tightly.

"Hanamichi." Kaede's voice returns me to reality.

I peek from the top of Akira's shoulder and I stare into deep blue eyes of Kaede. Akira moves and he is now hugging me from the back. His arms encircle my waist and he drops his head on my shoulder. He kisses my neck lovingly.

"Were you two exchange fists or something?" I ask while unconsciously hold Akira's hand and pat Akira's head which rests on my shoulder.

"Your crazy lover started it," Kaede answers accusingly.

"You were asking for it," Akira retorts. "Hanamichi, I love you so much and I don't want to let you go. But I had this stupid thought of you actually wanted to return to Rukawa so I thought if that's what you want, if that will make you happy, I'll do it even if it's torturing me," Akira kisses my neck once again, and his arm hugs me even tighter.

His explanation sounds so familiar. Exactly like what I thought when Kaede left me. I didn't fight to keep our relationship because I thought that was what Kaede wanted. I let him go even though what I really wanted is to be with him.

"Hanamichi," Kaede calls. "Tell me something." I nod. "If I had called you right after I left to America, begged for your forgiveness and asked you to take me back, would you have waited for me?"

I stare at Kaede. I see longing in his eyes and I feel helpless because I know I can't give what those eyes ask. "I would have waited for you, Kaede. I would have been your home. If that had happened years ago, I would have continued loving you."

Kaede averts his eyes. His back is slumped a little bit. I wanted to come to him and give him some consolation but I want him to understand that I still care about him, just that I don't love him as a lover anymore.

Suddenly Kaede strengthens his back, lifts his head, looks directly into my eyes and says, "Seems like I'm years late." He sighs. "Thank you for still caring about me after all I've done to you. Guess this is good bye then," he returns to leave.

"Kaede!" He stops upon hearing my call. "Can't we be friend?" I ask.

"Not now, Hanamichi. Perhaps sometimes after." Without looking back he waves his hand and continues walking. I watch his retreating back while praying that he will find his own happiness soon.

"I'm sorry, Hanamichi, I never meant to make you cry like that," Akira murmurs into my ear.

"Are you saying that you love me so much that you'll sacrifice your happiness for mine?" I ask.

"Yeah, Hanamichi, that's how much I love you," Akira answers then nibbles on my earlobe, making me shiver.

"Don't you ever think about leaving me, Akira. I'll die without you," I turn my body toward him. I stare at his sincere eyes. I smile when I see his bright smile. I kiss him and he kisses me back. Our lips parted but he continues sucking on my neck. "Ouch!" Gee, I'm sure that will be one big hickey.

"Let's go home, Hanamichi. The pancake's getting cold."

"Aaa…" We walk home while holding hand. I hope one day Kaede will be my friend once again. And I hope Akira will be by my side forever. "Thanks for loving me," I whisper to Akira's ear. He rewards me with a passionate kiss.

~the end~


End file.
